I slammed the cabin door and sat on the edge of the deck, hanging my legs over the Big Thompson River that cut and curved along the foot of the steep Rocky Mountains. I wanted to break something. I wanted to jump into the rapids and let it wash me downstream into somebody else’s life, somebody else’s problems, somebody else’s arms.
Camden and I were supposed to be celebrating our anniversary. The cabin was supposed to be good for us. We were going to reconnect. But we’d gotten into one of our big fights on the drive into the mountains, the kind that soured Camden’s mood and made me quiet.
I’d been ignoring Camden for the last day and a half. I wasn’t proud of it. I always shelled up after a fight. We’d talked about it in therapy but talking about it changed nothing. I’d come to resent those therapy sessions as much as he resented my silence.
The glass door slid open behind me.
“Nicole, this isn’t working.”
I couldn’t look at Camden. Camden’s presence was as powerful as the river. I wanted to be one of the large, immovable boulders beneath the water’s surface. I wanted Camden to take my jagged edges and sand them to smoothness.
“Sometimes our fights boil my blood. But when you get quiet like this …” Camden paused.
“I don’t want to talk about this. Not again,” I said.
“I don’t want to talk either.”
Five years together, and we still hadn't learned to communicate properly.
“So that's it. You’re finally giving up?” I said.
At a certain point, our breakup had seemed inevitable.
“We can’t even look each other in the eye,” Camden said. “Sometimes, you cringe when I touch you. Did you know that? What have I ever done to you to make you respond like that?”
I blushed and bit my tongue. It’s not what he’d done. It had always been about what he didn’t do, what I desperately needed him to do, what he couldn’t give me.
“Can’t you be honest with me anymore? When did we become this way? We used to be so good together. Do you remember that? What changed? Because it wasn’t me.”
He was right. He had stayed the same. The truth was, I wanted things from Camden—sexual things—that I was too afraid to voice. I didn’t want those things when we first met.
I’d never fantasized about being dominated by anyone before I met Camden. He was such an authentically good guy. He was a natural born caretaker. He was sensitive and in touch with his feelings.
So, why did I resent Camden for not ordering me around? Why couldn’t I be content with the affection he gave me? Why did I need raw passion when his filtered love was the envy of all our friends?
“Tell me what you want from me, Nicole. I’m tired of guessing, and I never seem to get it right. How can I break this cycle that we're trapped in?”
“The way we fight doesn’t work for me,” I said.
“What would work for you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“We’ve established that. But I don’t see how we can move on if we don’t talk.”
I shifted on the edge of the deck and fixated on the water instead of his looming presence behind me.
“You could spank me,” I said.
The shock and horror that arose in his voice quaked through me.
I turned to face him squarely. The height of the mountain hovered behind me like the giant shadow of our buried needs. It was curling over us, getting ready to crush us. Even Camden’s powerful presence couldn’t compete. I had to continue. I had to get it all off my chest even if it brought the mountain down on top of us.
“When you’re angry at me for shelling up, I want you to spank me. I don’t want to talk about it or work through our emotions. I just want you to take me over you knee, pull down my panties, and spank me until you’re not angry and I’m not quiet.”
Camden blushed with a deep embarrassment that I rarely saw flush his features. But he was taking me in as though he was seeing me for the first time in a long time. I couldn’t hold his gaze.
“You want me to hit you? Are you serious? I can’t hit a woman, Nicole.”
“Not hit, Cam. Spank.”
He scratched his head and walked to the ledge of the deck, watching the current go by.
“You wanted me to be honest. There it is.”
Now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop.
“You ask me why I cringe? It’s because I’m tired of being treated so preciously. I’m tired of being kissed politely. It’s like you’re constantly afraid of disrespecting me. But I want you to trust me enough, to trust yourself enough, that you can unleash your strength and your anger and trust that I can handle it. Spank me or leave me, but don’t be polite.”
Camden gave me a look as though I’d socked him across the jaw. He stared like he had no idea who I was. I guess that was its own answer.
I couldn’t handle this after all. I was standing there more exposed than I’d been in all our years of togetherness. Those devastating looks twisting his features filled me with more heartbreak than all the little fractures of our polite withdrawal from one another.
I had been right to hide this from him. Camden wouldn’t reciprocate, or he couldn’t. I rushed for the door.
As I slid it open, Camden grabbed my wrist. In the reflection of the glass, I could see his anger rising to the surface, but he was trying to press it back down like he always did. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“What are you doing, Camden?”
When Camden opened his eyes again, I expected him to be calm. But his eyes were dark and full of lust. He pulled my chin to the side, meeting my eyes.
“I’m not leaving.”
Camden ran his hands up my tennis dress, bunching it around my waist. He dug his fingernails into my ass until the pain of those sharp ridges stung my skin awake.
“Don’t move, Nicole.”
I nodded. He walked inside and rummaged through my bag. When Camden walked back out, he was carrying my knobbed glass dildo. How did he know that I owned it? How did he know the exact location I’d hidden it in my weekend bag?
“You want me to disrespect you the same way you’ve been disrespecting me?”
My shoulders tensed.
“What are you talking about?”
He ran the bulbous knobs along my hips. Each knob down the shaft was wider than the previous.
“You thought I didn’t know about your toys?”
He ran the narrow tip along the center of my panties, rolling it in circles until I was panting.
“You thought I didn’t know how you use your toys to get yourself off?”
He ran the shaft of the dildo up my ass. I swallowed.
“You thought I didn’t feel you lying in bed beside me making yourself come after you assumed I’d fallen asleep? You thought I couldn’t smell your pleasure, feel your body jolt? How many orgasms over the last four years, Nicole? How many do you owe me? That’s what you’ve been holding back. That’s what you’ve been hiding. No more hiding.”
I shook my head, “It wasn’t like that.”
“I know it wasn’t. You wanted me to catch you with your toys. You wanted me to make you stop. You cuckolded me with this thing to test me. You were trying to force me to act.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“Sometimes I wanted to reach between your legs and grab hold of this right before you climaxed, but I was too angry. I couldn’t trust what I’d do next.”
“What did you want to do?”
Camden tugged my panties to my knees. He spread my legs until they stretched against the fabric. He rolled the large end of the dildo in circles around my sex. I rose to my tiptoes to escape. He paused.
“You think I can’t read you, Nicole, but I can read every hesitation, every tense muscle. You tell me to stop being polite, and now you want to tell me how? Do you have to control everything in our relationship?”
I didn’t want to control anything. I swear I didn’t. But I couldn’t take the large end.
“Not that end. It’s too big.”
Camden pressed against my back, grazing his stiff cock across my ass. I whimpered.
“Say that again.”
“It’s too big,” I whispered.
“I’ll decide what you can take. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
I blushed. It was what I wanted. It was what I’d been fantasizing about. I wouldn’t give him an excuse to back down now. I took a deep breath.
“Hands on the door, ass out,” Camden said.
When I hesitated, Camden positioned my sweaty palms on the glass door, grabbed my hips, and pulled them out until my head was bowed between my arms. His brusque handling and impolite order sent a shiver of heat between my legs. Camden traced his fingers along my sex.
“Christ almighty, Nicole. You haven’t been this wet for me in years.”
“What are you going to do to me, Camden?”
“I’m going to crank the wide end of this toy into you and spank you until you’re so sore you won’t be able to sit down again this weekend.”
He turned the narrowest knob of the dildo inside me. I bent my knees to take it deeper. Camden rolled it in wider and wider circles, keeping it shallow.
“Did you at least think of me when you were fucking yourself with your toys?”
“Be honest or this whole thing stops.”
“I’ve been fantasizing about you for so long, Camden, just not in the way we’ve been together. The things that I want, I only want them from you.”
Camden pulled the toy out, turned it around and pressed the large knob against my entrance, stretching me so wide my pussy throbbed around the uncomfortable invasion. I whimpered.
“Take it,” he said.
I shook my head.
“Nicole, relax, trust me, and take it.”
I nodded and took calming breaths.
He eased it in.
“Jesus, look at you.”
Camden released his hand and my pussy held that large knob inside, the rest of the dildo hanging loose between my legs. He backed to the picnic table and sat on the metal bench.
I turned toward him and looked between my legs.
“What’s the matter, princess, got your tail stuck between your legs?”
He looked, dare I say it, satisfied with his work. There was something so incredibly sexy in his peacocked chest that it made my sex ache. He could see the response he was having as clear as I could feel it. The toy knocked between my legs. His cock twitched in his pants.
Could it be that he was genuinely enjoying this? Could it be that he got pleasure from seeing me like this? We’d been playing this stupid game of hide and seek and neither of us were winning.
I wanted more—more of his retribution, more of his honest expressions—and I wanted him to see more of me.
“Now’s the part where I take you over my knee and spank you, Nicole.”
I stayed still. His eyes turned dark. I couldn’t read his expression. I’d never seen that look on his face before.
“Christ, I’ve been a bad partner. I couldn’t even see how wet this would make you, and how much that would turn me on.”
The toy knocked between my legs again and I gripped it, groaning as my sex started fluttering rapidly toward release.
“Get over here, Nicole. If you take this orgasm from me, I’ll never forgive you.”
I waddled to him as fast as I could with my panties binding my knees. He grabbed the dildo.
“Spread yourself wide, and let me see how swollen you are.”
Camden rotated the toy three-hundred and sixty degrees inside me. He didn’t move his eyes from my sex.
A tear fell down my face. I tried to wipe it away before he noticed.
“Why are you crying?” Camden asked.
I swallowed back the tight knot that was closing my throat.
“This is the first time you’ve looked at me in years, Camden.”
“This is the first time you’ve fought for us instead of against me.”
“I’ve always been fighting for us. Always. I just didn’t know how to fight until now.”
“That makes two of us. Stop crying and bend over my knee. Let me show you how to fight.”
I kneeled on the bench beside Camden and placed my elbows across his lap. He positioned my hips and readjusted the dildo. Each adjustment and movement made me tighten more.
“No more hiding, Nicole. Deal?”
“No more being polite, Camden. Deal?”
He raised his hand and spanked my ass so hard that I yelled in shock. The entire valley became our echo chamber. I’m sure our fight had already made its way halfway down the mountain, but the sound of his smack echoed back around us, causing me to clench and Camden to stiffen.
His cock pressed against my belly and as soon as the echo started to fade, he spanked me again, dragging his palms up underneath my cheeks. My entire pussy clenched around the toy and drove me so close to the peak that I started to unravel.
I reached for Camden’s cock and unzipped his pants to take care of him. He grabbed my hand and planted it on the bench again.
“Ignore it, it’s not yours to have.”
He’d never denied me permission to touch him. Knowing that Camden was off limits, that I’d have to work to be given that instrument I’d always craved, sent my head spinning.
My hips writhed as my sex pulsed out of control. He spanked me with a hard and steady rhythm until I was losing my mind, desperate for that final smack that would push me over the edge.
Camden paused and ran his nails along the red marks until my hips were gyrating.
I couldn’t move without assistance. Camden carefully lifted me to my feet and held my hips between his knees.
“You have a choice to make, Nicole.”
I looked at him, barely cognizant of anything but my need to come.
“Me or the toy.”
“I choose you, Camden. I’ll always choose you.”
Camden reached between my legs and pulled the dildo out. Pulling out that wide knob was as agonizing as when he placed it. He tossed it over the deck into the river. Camden unbuckled his belt and pulled out his cock. I bit my lip.
“Hold up your dress.”
I quickly lifted it above my breasts, wanting to show him everything, wanting to see him take pleasure from my arousal. Camden stroked his cock with a roughness he’d never shown me.
“Oh God, Cam.”
He looped his fingers into the crotch of my panties and pulled me forward. Camden shifted to the end of the bench and positioned his hips. He hammocked his rock on the inner lining of my panties and stroked himself into that damp fabric.
“Fuck, Cam. I can’t watch. I’m going to …”
“Watch, and don’t you dare come.”
Camden thrust his hips until his come spilled along the crotch of my panties. My entire center clenched. Camden tucked his cock back into his pants and buckled his belt with a calloused coldness that made me ache for his warmth.
He pulled my panties up. I moaned as the sticky hot liquid spread across my pussy. Camden rolled his fingers into the fabric, making sure his come covered every inch of me before lowering my dress. He stood up.
I grabbed his wrist before he could walk away.
“Camden, please. Finish me.”
I squirmed, feeling my excitement build as his come slid out the side of my panties and down my inner thighs. Camden crossed his arms.
“Is that a threat or a request, Nicole?”
He frowned, “You’re still too quiet for my liking.”
“I was in shock. I won’t be quiet, I swear.”
He grabbed me by the calves and tossed me over his shoulder so swiftly that I squealed.
Camden carried me into the cabin and tossed me on the bed. He spread my legs wide and traced the line of come rolling down my inner thigh.
“Tell me what you want, Nicole.”
“Tell me how we fight.”
“Dirty and loud.”
“Take off your panties and beg for my cock.”
I tore my panties down my legs.
“Thank you, Cam.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I’m not giving you one goddamn inch until everyone on this mountain hears you begging for it.”